With last night's polarizing State of the Union, President Trump continued fracturing the country with pointed rhetoric designed only to widen the chasm between the country's left and right. From the many awful things Trump said, here are the eight most divisive statement's from last night's speech:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a historic first, a sitting U.S. president was forced to subdue members of Congress with a squad of ICE agents, who pepper sprayed unruly Democrats as President Trump delivered his State of the Union address.

Critics rightfully question the depth of modern cinema, yet among the shallows we find a full-throated answer to their query in the towering form of Despicable Me 3. On my 27th viewing, I am only just beginning to peel back the sophisticated layers of this cinematic masterpiece.

NEW YORK CITY — With winter storms pounding the Northeast, black New Yorkers were sadly left unable to shovel their driveways as none of them have a government ID.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a night where lawmakers raised eyebrows by remaining glued to their seats throughout the president's State of the Union address, analysts later said the most shocking incident of the night was when Democrats refused to stand as Trump introduced Jesus.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has unveiled his clever plan to secure a third term by simply continuing his State of the Union speech for the next seven years.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congress stared in confusion this evening, puzzled by hearing a speech from a President that can say words and sentences.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, Representative Thomas Massie of Kentucky will be holding his own State of the Union Address from a street corner outside a local T.J. Maxx.

ATLANTA — Local man Brandon Haden reportedly wowed friends and family this week with a surprise trip to the exotic Mexican city of Puerto Vallarta, which he had purchased at a killer discount.

PALM BEACH, FL — In an effort to create a more efficient process for everyone making an attempt on his life, President Donald Trump ordered his staff to install a "Take-A-Number" ticket dispenser at the front gate of Mar-a-Lago for all would-be assassins.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Democrat response to President Trump's State of the Union address will reportedly be delivered by Bad Bunny, sources confirmed Tuesday.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's national security received a significant boost this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had hired the goalie of the U.S. men's Olympic hockey team to guard the southern border.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With an alleged third assassination attempt in the books, President Trump is reportedly one step closer to a free third term.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local Episcopalian Myrtle Smith has once again elected to undergo an enormous sacrifice by giving up reading her Bible again this Lent.

ATLANTA, GA — While speaking at the Rialto Center for the Arts as part of promotion for his new memoir, Young Man in a Hurry: A Memoir of Discovery, California Governor Gavin Newsom wowed a black audience by putting some hot sauce into his purple drank.

After a tough stretch at the 2026 Winter Olympics, Canadians are understandably feeling a little down. But it's not all that bad, Canada. There are still reasons to feel good about yourselves.

SOUTH BEND, IN — According to sources, local husband and father Glenn Riverton has reportedly entered the crossword era of his life.

MILANO — As the 2026 Milano Cortina Olympics came to a close, athletes from various nations participated in the traditional send-offs for their respective sports, with the Olympic curlers being lowered into the carbon-freezing chamber until the next winter games.

MILAN, ITALY — Following their victory over Canada, the US Olympic Hockey Team has continued celebrating by melting down their gold medals to replace all their missing teeth.