WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Americans across the country continued to carry on their day-to-day lives without any significant changes, Democrats vowed to keep the federal government shut down until someone notices.

Back in 1492, Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue so that you could have an American holiday where everyone still has to work. Now it's time to honor his achievement.

WORLD — With COVID-19 no longer a public health emergency, people have largely abandoned their face masks and returned to pre-pandemic levels of caution with their health. That is, except for Asians, who appear to still be sticking with the masks.

GREENWOOD, MO — Martial arts enthusiasts celebrated a historic achievement this week, as a local baby attained a 3rd-degree black belt in rolling out of diaper changes.

NEW BRAUNFELS, TX — One superfan's dream of seeing his team play in high definition came true this weekend, as a local man bought a new TV so he could watch NFL referees blow calls in stunning 4K resolution.

U.S. — Anti-Israel protestors denounced the Trump-brokered ceasefire in Israel after months of demanding that Trump broker a peace deal in Gaza.

WORLD — Leftists across the globe took to the streets over the weekend to protest the ceasefire in Gaza and the end of genocide.

U.S. — In an effort to ensure equal treatment of all people under the law, President Trump has set Letitia James's bail at $355 million.

While many were surprised that President Trump was passed over for the Nobel Peace Prize, the fact of the matter is there were several nominees who were simply more deserving. Here are seven other individuals who were also ranked by the Nobel Committee ahead of Trump:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After being snubbed for the Nobel Peace Prize, sources close to President Donald Trump revealed that he had not yet given up hope that he could win a Nobel Prize in Literature for his latest Truth Social post.

BOISE, ID — According to sources, the guy standing in front of you at the gas station right now is buying lotto tickets, cigarettes, and also applying for a home mortgage loan.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Even one of the most revered institutions in the world found out that it was not immune to being trolled by the leader of the free world, as President Donald Trump retaliated for his peace prize snub with a picture of the Nobel Committee wearing sombreros.

NEW YORK, NY — Sources said the indicted New York attorney general held out hope that she could ease her combative relationship with the president, as Letitia James attempted to smooth things over by sending Trump a heartfelt "Sorry I Maliciously Prosecuted You" card.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Concerns over President Trump's ethics were raised this week when the president ordered the construction of a Dungeon of Torment for his political enemies, causing many to question: Is the president perhaps going too far?

NEW YORK, NY — Due to overwhelming pressure, the National Football League announced that it had canceled plans for rapper Bad Bunny to perform at the Super Bowl LX halftime show and instead offered the coveted spot to psychologist and author Dr. Jordan B. Peterson.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the peace agreement between Israel and Hamas tentatively settled, President Donald Trump reportedly set his sights on quelling the longstanding unrest between Yankees and Red Sox fans.

OSLO — The Nobel Committee announced that it had officially chosen Greta Thunberg to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for her pivotal role in bringing an end to the war in Gaza.

President Trump may have finally achieved what many long thought impossible, as Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first phase of a peace agreement, but this ceasefire didn't come without conditions from Hamas.

WAUKEE, IA — Local suburban housewife Keightlyynn Huxley reported today that an unusual cloud of depression has been following her around lately, and she can't explain why.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development that experts said could change the course of geopolitics for the foreseeable future, Hitler announced a historic agreement that would bring lasting peace to Israel.